I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
