So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
