I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
