i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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