Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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