Do you still have your period?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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