pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
