i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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