The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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