I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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