Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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