Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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