i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there was a trapeze. enough said
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize