Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
