Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
