i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
