Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
