i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well most of my day revolves around power hour
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
