I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
