I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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