Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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