What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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