Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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