Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
