This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
they're like a gay fantastic four
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
