my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
