what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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