Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize