don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
