if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
