it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
