Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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