Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize