in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
