So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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