Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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