You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
