so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
