for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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