new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
