I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
