My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
