its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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