i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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