Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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