I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
