My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i came on her dog
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize