you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
