I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
