Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
