I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dicks are not precious.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize