Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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