she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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