96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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