I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
home. puking in laundry basket.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
