Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
