Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize