All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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