I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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