go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
