Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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