Tell her she can't have a vagina
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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