My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
