Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
