Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
