I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
