I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
