70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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