whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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