My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
