he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
