So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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