i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will be naked everywhere
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
