pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize