I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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