I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize